Something in the Water: Hopefully a bed and a blanked

Hey yall, its summer, its hot. Is there a way to cool off? Yes, there are! Grab your friends and family, buy a coctail, build a sandcastle, or go for a nice swim in the ocean. I mean, what could go wrong? Wait, what is that? Aghhhhh a shark! Hes eating me…. my hand, my legs, aghh aghh(*blood splattering*). Nooooooo… Yeah, that’s something that you would expect from a shark movie. But no. In this movie, the real killer is boredom. Let’s be clear: my only intention with this movie was to have fun with it, and it kind of fails in that category too. The dialogues are neither funny nor good, and the characters are just effing depressing. Just five girls are winning all the time about their failed plans or past trauma. Only one of them brings some kind of amusement to the table, but she falls short too in some way. The shark? HAHAHAH. There is no shark. I mean, there is, but there isn’t. It looks like they just downloaded a few National Geographic shots about sharks and put about a dozen of them together. Usually the sharks appear for about 3 seconds per scene. So yeah, basically, it’s not scary at all, and it’s not in the category: It’s so bad that it’s good. What good things does this movie bring to the table, you ask me? Maybe a few laughs with your friends, but basically, this is a bad movie. In the end, I was really cheering for the shark to win and eat them all because of how dull and repetative the scenes are. Please skip this one, or if you dare, step in the zone of human eating, CGI, National Geographic, 3-second-lasting shark Muahahaha *Evil laugh*

2.5/10

PROS

  • A few laughs with your friends

CONS

  • Boring characters, and dialogues
  • Bad shark design
  • Not good, but not in the "Soo bad, that its good" category

SPOILER REVIEW

So there are not that many scenes that I want to talk about, but let’s start with the unnecessary opening scene. I really don’t understand why you bring something that serious to a dumb shark flick as lgbtq violence. You start a movie that I was supposed to laugh at with something depressing and heavy. That topic stays throughout the whole movie… That was the wrong move for me. Secondly, the shark scenes are just wrong, man. You people did the shark dirty. Since when does the 3 meter shark sneak upon a woman whos hip deep in the water? In what universe is that possible? What next, He just takes a bite out of her like shes a dinner leftover and leaves her alone. Sure. Then the unexpected happened… They end up crashing the boat into the coral reef system while helping their friend out. How did you not see the 2,000-kilometar coral reef that you knew was there?? Wanna know the worst part of it all… Till that point, I found the movie somewhat amusing. From the moment the boat crashes and they fall into the water, the movie becomes a melodrama that has no end. Oh, and don’t get me started on that blonde girl who turns into prime fucking Michael Phellps and decides to swim it out and find help. There is no visible land, how can a 25-ish non athletic girl swim that far in the middle of the ocean. How. While she went to get help, the other alive girls were just dying off one by one till we got ourselves a final girl that had a big showdown at the end with a shark that she literally kicked in the nose so the shark knew she wasn’t messing around. She then finds a reef that she can rest on and think about her life, when suddenly a boat is coming her way. Of course, it was her friend who knew the exact location of her stranded friend and came just in time to save her. In the end, we get a big Mission Impossible-like action scene where our final girl outswims the shark and gets pulled into the running boat just in time for her to be saved. She and her friend hug it out and leave the scene, riding the sunset. What a joke!